


Housesitting

by Willow



Category: DCU
Genre: Comedy, Other, sudden inspiration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-31
Updated: 2007-01-31
Packaged: 2017-10-02 07:41:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willow/pseuds/Willow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gotham can't be left unattended, sometimes Batman has to be elsewhere.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Housesitting

**Author's Note:**

> Original notes: Snippet inspired by something the roommate was reading. And done so I feel like I actually wrote something today.

The Batcave was in the same condition it'd been two minutes ago and two minutes before that and five minutes before that. Superman _almost_ wished some little bit of rock would crumble away and divert Batman's attention. He'd have made it happen, except he had a feeling it'd add an extra twenty minutes to the lecture; Subsection A under Header Equipment - Ways not to interfere with the cave's unique balance and ecosystem. Sub-section B - How to treat all the equipment in precise order.

Superman's eyes glazed a little. No one else in the world but his mother could make him feel like he was sixteen again and about to be left home alone.

"Are you listening to me, Clark?"

"Nothing's going to happen, Bruce. It'll be fine. It's only a week."

"A lot can happen in Gotham in a week. Maybe I shouldn't go."

"There's no one else with your expertise to take down this terrorist ring. It's a finesse job. You're the one who keeps saying we should let people play to their strengths. Do you want _me_ to go ..."

Superman almost smiled as Batman gave a terse shake of the head. "No. We need answers."

"I could get Diana to lend me the lasso..."

"No, you're right. We need someone under-cover." Superman watched the shoulders that were usually under leather and kevlar straighten. It was always a shock to realize that other people didn't recognize them when they were covered in silk and cotton.

"And you'll call Dick or Barbara or Helena if there's anything I haven't covered ?"

"I have actually worked in Gotham before, Bruce." Despite his little win earlier, it was hard not to feel like the rest of the lecture was coming. Superman felt like he was running out of molecules to count in order to seem intensely interested.

"Not as me you haven't. You have to be precise, tactical. You can't rush in and rely on strength. If you're discovered - "

"I won't be discovered."

"But if you're discovered - "

"I'll handle it, Bruce. Either I'll make you seem scarier than usual or Superman will be discovered to be taking over Gotham for a short while."

"You're not taking over."

"Guarding. Superman will be discovered to be temporarily guarding Gotham for a while."

"They shouldn't ever find out I'm not here. So watch your back with Poison Ivy and her spores. And don't talk to the Joker. He'll figure it out in no time. And if Harvey escapes ...."

"Bruce, it's rather alarming that you're asking me to prepare for a siege from Arkham."

"Clark - Kal-El..."

Because he'd used that name, the hands that came down on Bruce's shoulders were gentler than Superman would have managed. His thumbs rubbed gently, trying to soothe.

"Go. Everything will be fine here."

"You sure you know what to do if the city is overrrun by demonic agents of hell?"

"I almost wish you were joking."

"Clark!"

"Call Jason Blood. Find a priest. Stay away from the magic. Use reinforcements. I know, I know! I do actually take care of a little thing called Earth from time to time." Superman tilted his head, not willing to be Clark anymore.

"Alfred's waiting at the front door. You should leave before you miss whatever mysterious connections you need to make in order to switch identities."

Alfred wasn't the only one he noticed. Superman could hear two distinct heartbeats nearby. And some only partially muffled snickering. "Go!"

The footsteps up to the manor were reluctant and slow to super-hearing. But finally, Batman was gone and all that was left was Bruce Wayne getting into his chauffeured car for an impromptu trip to some tropical island.

As the car rolled down the gravel drive, Dick and Tim crept out from where they'd been hiding deep inside the cave.

"You did pretty well." Tim smiled as he jumped up onto a console and draped himself over it like a lithe but lazy cat.

"Yeah, the first seven times he told us, it was much longer."

"Yeah, I never thought it would end." Tim interrupted Dick with a smile. And Superman watched Nightwing, in costume, twirl the chair in front of the supercomputers but not actually sit down.

"He must like you." Dick said off handedly. "You actually got him to leave the city behind in under two hours."

Superman shrugged. It felt more like Bruce knew he wouldn't wear down.

In the cave, a phone rang, making pealing echoes that set the bats to squeaking and rustling. Superman slid into the chair that Dick was hovering over, his cape flung easily over the armrest. "_**Yes.**_"

It was Batman's voice, carefully modulated coming from Superman's throat.

"One more thing... Don't get hurt and don't die."

Clark glanced up at Dick and rolled his eyes. But when he looked away he could feel a smile lighting up his entire face. That was two more things. "Ditto."


End file.
